i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
