It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
