No stitches, just platelets and will power
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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