I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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