i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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