I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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