those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
