I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
