That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
