I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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