Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
