Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
pray to the hookup gods
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
