I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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