Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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