I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it