She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed