I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried