he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.