brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
