So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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