Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
