goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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