I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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