You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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