Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
