So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
