saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
