So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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