the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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