woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
