I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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