when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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