Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
