you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
