More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
