I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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