that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
