tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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