Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
