you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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