I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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