he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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