You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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