Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
