i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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