I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
