lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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