I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
two words...techno handjob
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
