God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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