Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
