I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
