Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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