Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The uberlube is also flammable
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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