I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
