Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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