I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
