she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
