Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
