How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
