just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it glows. i had to have it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
