so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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