Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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