the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
