Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
