Come see our sink grown plant.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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