I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
