Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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